For Ya

I wanna tell you the truth...I started, but then I couldn't say what I should say. I couldn't tell you the way I feel. It is so hard. Moreover, I don't know how your feeling is. I tried to make you realize that I have a special feeling for you, but it didn't work. You didn't catch what I meant exactly. You didn't understand. You think, this feeling is for another guy, but actually this is for you! You make me forget my feeling towards him... :)

she thought that she is strong. She can face everything that happened, happens, or will happen in her life. But, it is wrong. She is weak. Not as strong as what she thought.

she is too weak because she cried when she thought of her ex. Why might she cry? it was just a short story of her and her ex. love may be. a thing that she can not describe till now. since she met him after a year never saw him, every single day even every single minute, his face fulfill all spaces in her brain. she can't lie. she is still in love with him. she just needs a place, a person, to share this feeling, instead let him to know.

she loves him without conditions. but, he may be not feel the way she feels. karma may be. she believes, if he is not for her, God will send her a guardian, a new one, a good one, who is better than him. and the guardian is coming soon.....:)

Sharenisti

nulis tentang apa yach....???
bingung!!!

hemmm....curhat aahhh.....
belakangan ini saya lagi ng'fans sama salah satu pemain ftv yang tidak lain dan tidak bkan adalah @missSharena alias Sharena Rizky. kenapa yahhh??? saya juga gak tau kenapa...mungkin karena dia keseringan nongol d tv, karena aktingnya bagus, atau karena dia artis tergila yang saya tauuu... ???
entahlah...pkoknya saya sukaaa......
bela-belain buat twitter cuma pengen tau lebih tentang nona yang satu ini....soalnya dia jarang update d facebook dan lbih sering nyampah d twitter....sampahnya d twitter bener2 gokiel..bikin ngakak..
makin marah, jiwa pelawaknya mkin keluar.....*lho??
nieh fotonya si nona lagi ngakak.....:

salam tampol....:))

A short story for a long time memory.....

First Love

One day, in a beautiful village called Waterclean there was a nice girl named Aurelia. She was third grade student of senior high school. She was smart, but had a little bad tempered. Her parents loved her so much and so did her brother and sister. One of her friends in the class actually loved her, but she never recognized it and even never paid attention at him. His name was Arnold. He was a good looking boy, kind-hearted, and a little bit smart. He had no strength to tell Aurelia about his feeling. He even didn't have enough courageousness to say hello to her. That's why Aurelia didn't know at all about his feeling.

            Before graduating, all of the students might attend final examination. To prepare it, the students had to study in group in the class. Aurelia was in a group with Arnold's best friends and sat together, while Arnold's group was sitting behind Aurelia's group. In the middle of learning process, the teacher left the class. Arnold's friends started to make a joke. They were Harry and Marlon. They knew that Arnold loved Aurelia. They tried to tell her implicitly in a loud voice.

"Aurelia, look a boy behind you! He likes you…." Harry said.

Arnold was wetting. They laughed at him. Aurelia thought that it was only a joke. She didn't too care about it. As time went by, they finished their study and passed the final examination. All of the students felt happy. They celebrated it by scratching their uniform. They also asked their friends to sign their uniform. Arnold, with all his bravery, he asked Aurelia to sign in his shirt exactly at the chest part.

"Aurelia, please sign here…!"

Aurelia looked at his eyes and she started realizing there was something different in that guy. She smiled and signed his shirt.

            In the evening, Arnold came to Aurelia's house with two of his best friends. He said that they just passed her house and then dropped in. They talked about many things that night, including their planning for their next education level. Arnold and Marlon said that they would continue their study outside the island, in Jorgen, while Aurelia and Harry had the same choice for their next study. Suddenly, Arnold's friends said that they had to go and left Aurelia and Arnold in couple. They didn't say anything for a while until Arnold began the conversation,

"Do you have any boyfriend?"

Aurelia sighed, " I never fall in love before….!" She said with a light laugh. Arnold stared at her as if he said through his eyes that he fell in love with her and hoped she feel the same way. The conversation stopped anymore. This time was longer.

"Do you remember when we were doing our final Mathematic examination? Some of the students were so noisy, including you…!" Aurelia tried to talk about other thing to avoid the silent. She smiled. Arnold still stared at her without say anything.

"I saw you and Marlon cheated…you looked so silly that time."

"You saw that? Does it mean that you looked at me during the test?"

"Emm…wow, don't be so confident! I gazed all corner of the class…!" She said, like she was misbehaved.

"Did you?" Arnold asked looked into her eyes.

"Yeah…why are you staring at me like that?"

"Because…because I….I love you…I've been in love with you since we started the third grade. I just don't have any courageousness before. I'm afraid you don't want me like I want you. You don't feel the way I feel to you. If it happened that time, I would be ashamed to see you. Marlon and Harry would laugh at me along day. And now, I tell you about what I feel in the depth of my heart. I just want you to know before I go to Jorgen."

Aurelia couldn't say anything. She just listened to him.

"Will you be my girl?" He asked. Aurelia could feel from his eyes that he was deeply in love with her and she also felt that there was a feeling inside her heart for him, but she thought she needed time to decide.

"Do you mind if I don't answer your question right now?"

"Em…no. I don't. So, when will you give me the answer?"

"Come here tomorrow! At the same time you came just now…!"

Arnold nodded. He left Aurelia's house.

            That night, Aurelia considered every single thing. Might be she was in love with him, but she had to think twice to take risk for plaiting long distance relationship. Moreover, this would be her first. In the other place, Arnold couldn't close his eyes. He thought of Aurelia. He thought about the destiny of his love.

            On the following day, he came to Aurelia's house again. Aurelia had been waiting for his coming. They sat in the chair behind her house. Then, Aurelia began the conversation by asking him about his preparation to leave the village for his study. He said that he had not prepared anything yet and actually he didn't want to go away. However, it was his father's willing and he considered it for his future too. He would go in a week. But it was just for 5 days for an interview and would go again in three months. Both of them sighed. After that, Arnold asked her the same question like the day before. There's no word out from her lips. Arnold started thinking that his love would be refused. His eyes looked around the place. He didn't have bravery anymore to gaze her eyes. Then, Aurelia opened her lips and said that she would be his girlfriend. Arnold was surprised. He smiled. He couldn't hide his pleasure. He caught her hand, said that he didn't want to lose her and he wanted to be with her forever.

            Day by day they passed, with love in their heart. Arnold called Aurelia everyday. For him, her voice could make his heart beating faster and could make his love expand in his soul. Though sometimes Aurelia was angry at him, he never thought to end the relationship. He did whatever Aurelia wanted him to do. Aurelia just tried to lead Arnold to become a better guy. They couldn't meet everyday though their houses were not too far because Aurelia's father hadn't given permission for her to have a boyfriend yet. A week later, Arnold and Marlon left Waterclean. Aurelia thought Arnold would not care with her, but she was wrong. From distance, he always said that he loved and missed her so much. Five days later, he came back to the village and met Aurelia one day after his arriving. They met at the beach near their school. He gave her a doll, dolphin doll as a gift from Jorgen. Aurelia had nothing for him. She only had a key hook which was given by her brother. She decided to give that thing for him.

            Aurelia became more cheerful, happier, and very seldom been angry. Her mother noticed it. It made her mother wanted to know who her boyfriend was. Aurelia asked Arnold to come to her house and met her mother when her father wasn't home. Her mother met him, talked to him, and she blessed them.

            The time passed so fast. This was time for Arnold to go to Jorgen. They met for saying good bye and exchange their photograph.

"Don't forget me when you are so far! I'm here to wait for you. Keep your heart for me and only for me!" Aurelia said.

"Of course I will not forget you. You will always in my heart. How can I forget you? You are part of me. I love you. I want to be with you forever. I don't like this moment, I don't want to leave Waterclean, but I have to." Arnold said.

"Yeah, I know. This is for your future. Keep spirit and take care!" she said to encourage her boyfriend.

 He nodded. He kissed Aurelia's hand and went away.

            Two months later, Arnold came back to Waterclean. Aurelia was the happiest person who knew about it. She was as faithful as a dog waiting for him. She missed him so much. She missed the way he looked at her. Then, she called him. They made an appointment to go to waterfall together in the morning on the following day. When it was already morning, Aurelia was waiting for him until midday, but he didn't show himself and even didn't give her any news. Aurelia messaged him many times, but there was no response. She became angry, annoyed, disappointed, sad, and many other feelings mixed in her heart. She didn't know what she should do. She thought Jorgen had changed him. Until in the afternoon, Arnold called her. She was unable to manage her emotion. She was very angry at him. Then she decided not to go together, but she would go by herself and waited him at the waterfall. Arnold agreed. After arriving at the waterfall, she looked around and Arnold wasn't there. She really mad at him, but she still waited. Finally, Arnold came. Aurelia couldn't hide her disappointed. At the waterfall they didn't talk too much. Aurelia looked into Arnold's eyes. She was sad because she didn't see love like five months ago. She felt that the way of Arnold looked at her was different on that day. Then, she took Arnold's phone as she suspicious he had another girl in Jorgen. She examined all the content in that phone. She was jealous because she found so many messages from a girl and she also found the other girls pictures in his phone, but there was no her pictures. She was so jealous, but she didn't show it.

            "I think I have to go home now!"

"Why? We even haven't talked about anything." Arnold asked, a little bit angry.

"My mother just messaged me and said that my father is home."

She lied. She left Arnold. She never thought that it was the last time she met him. Arnold didn't understand with her behavior. He wasn't given any chance to talk to her. After that situation, their relationship began to get worst. They became more often angry each other and there was no faith between them anymore. Arnold wanted to meet her, but she couldn't because she had to go to campus and she wanted to avoid him too as she was angry with him. Because of that, they never met again till Arnold had to go to Jorgen. Their relationship was not tender anymore. The conversation via telephone was flat and cold. Till one day, Aurelia was so angry with him because he didn't reply her messages. Then, at the time he replied her message, she answered by saying she wanted to break up and just be friends. Arnold didn't think that she would do that such a thing to him; he actually was still in love with her. However, he accepted it and their relationship ended. Aurelia actually still loved him. She just had no strength to manage her angry, her disappointed to him. After they brook up, they lost contact for months. Aurelia regret her decision for ending their relationship. She couldn't forget him even only for a day. She hoped he came back to her again. She only had one reason why she still waited for him. She believed that God always said through every human's heart and her heart said that Arnold was her destiny.

            Seven months later, she was curious about Arnold. She called Marlon and asked him about Arnold. He said that Arnold already had a new girlfriend. He said that they always went out together. Actually, Arnold didn't love his girlfriend. It was his effort to forget Aurelia, but only Arnold knew that. After hearing that news, she became so sad, disappointed, and angry, but she couldn't blame anyone. It's her fault. Finally, she decided to forget all about Arnold though it was so hard for her. Her efforts to forget him just seemed like built castles on the air. She deleted Arnold's contact and threw away everything that reminded her to him, except a dolphin doll that he got from him. She might do many efforts to forget him and moved on her life. As time went by, a year after their break up, she succeeded in forgetting her love for him, though her memory was still filled by every moment she passed with him. Suddenly, there was a call from Marlon. She thought Marlon just wanted to remind her about her past, so she didn't pick the phone up. Actually, Marlon wanted to tell her that Arnold died because of an airplane accident 2 days before, when Arnold on the way back to Waterclean. As she didn't answer Marlon's call, she didn't know about her first love's death and thought that Arnold lived happily with his new girlfriend and had forgotten her.

Two weeks after Arnold's funeral, Marlon came to her house. He brought a little box. Inside it, there were Aurelia's photograph and a key hook. Aurelia was sitting in front of her house when he came. She was surprised to know Marlon was there.

"Marlon…how are you doing?? Why didn't you call me before coming here? We haven't met foe such a long time, have we?" she asked.

"Yeah…you are right. I'm good. I came here just to bring you this!" Marlon gave the box. Aurelia took it and opened it.

"Hah…what do you mean by this? What does he want?" She looked curious.

"What are you talking about? Don't you know what happened to him two weeks ago??"

"What??"

"He died. An airplane that brought him from Jorgen did not land perfectly on the airport. And his life could not be saved. I found that things in his desk when I cleaned up his room in Jorgen. I don't want to throw away the things which he has kept for more than a year"

"Oh my God…why didn't you tell me before??" Aurelia couldn't help crying.

"I did. I called you, but you didn't pick up your phone, did you??" Marlon shouted.

"Shit….how stupid I was. I…" She cried, her tears fell down on her cheek

"Well…everything has happened. Though you picked your phone, it would not make him alive anymore. Stop crying! He will very sad knowing you be like this. Calm down!"

"Thank you…!" Aurelia weep her tears.

"OK then. I'm leaving."

Aurelia thought of him again. She didn't think that Arnold kept the things she gave, while she threw his photograph away. She was sad, but she tried to face the truth that Arnold has left her and their short love story.

THE END

Autobiography

My name is Ni Komang Ayu Sunaryati. I was born on Sunday, July 5, 1992 in Kubu, Karangasem. I'm the third daughter of my parents. I had never been in a kindergarten. I graduated from Elementary School (SD) Negeri 2 Tianyar, and then continued my study in Junior High School (SMP) Negeri 2 Kubu. For my next level of education, I continued in Senior High School (SMA) Negeri 1 Kubu. And then now, I'm a first semester student of English Education Department in Ganesha University of Education in Singaraja.

My hobbies are listening to the music and watching Television. I always do these activities if I feel bored and if I'm tired with my daily activities. They can make me feel better than before and entertain me.

I have some weaknesses inside my self. I am not confidence enough to be in a crowded place. I think there is something less in my self, though there isn't actually. I have a bad habit since I was Junior High School student. I was a passive student if I thought that the teacher didn't too care to me. I could be more not caring of her/his lesson. I didn't want to hear his/her explanation, and I preferred to study alone from books than hearing the teacher who didn't care enough to me. I knew that's bad, but I could not change it. And I could be an active and the most active student in the class if the teacher was fair to all students, not just to one student who the teacher thought as the cleverest student for his/her lesson. Because of that thing which happened to me in Junior High School, it affects me till now. I become a student who sometimes active and sometimes passive. I'm lazy to speak in front of many people except if it is a must for me to speak up. Besides that, I'm an emotional person and often doubt to decide something or do something. If I want to do something, I will think till a hundred times, and everything must be planned before. I seldom can do something spontaneously. I hope everything happen like what I want and what I plan, but if not, I will down. They are my weaknesses.

On the other hand, I also have some strength inside my self. I am an honest person and have a good personality. I almost always tell the truth to other people, except if something is a secret. Sometimes I think that my honest is my weakness, but at last I believe that it is my strength. Only a few people can tell the truth to the others. I have a good intelligence too. I mean that I am clever enough as a student. That's according to my achievements from Elementary School until Senior High School.

In senior high school I learned a lot of things which could improve my self into a better one and to reach what I want. I often attended competitions though I failed to get a good result. Such as: attended story telling contest at school in 2007, Chemistry Olympiad 2008 in Karangasem, Chemistry Olympiad 2010 in Undiksha Singaraja, "Agama Hindu" Competititon 2010 in Karangasem and Chemistry Olympiad 2010 in Denpasar. The results of those competitions were not like what my teacher and I wanted, but I think those are worth experiences for me. Failures which often I got, made me realize that I have to all out in doing something and love what I have to do. As time goes on, I believe I can get achievements more than before if I can manage my self as well as possible.

I want to be a smart student and achieve my desire to be a lecturer to make my family proud of me. I want to see my parents look me with a deep proud. There are five people in my family. They are my father, my mother, my brother, my sister, and me. My family is a simple family. But, we have a big spirit to change our life into better than before. Remembering the condition a few years ago, when we had to survive in a low economic condition, make my parents and my brother work hard to improve our life. My father is a bricklayer and my mother is a house wife. My brother works at a hotel in Kuta as a front officer and my sister works at a restaurant in Nusa Dua as a waitress. Due to their work hard, I can continue my study in Undiksha Singaraja. And nowadays, everything is getting better. I love my family more than anything.

The best thing or moment in my life is when I can make my parents smile because of me.  Nothing is better than it. I used  to success did it if I got a good result in the end of each semester started from elementary school to senior high school. More ever when my sister and I were still in elementary school and both of us became the best students in the class. Our names were called to come to the stage with four other students. I looked at my family who came to school like so many others students' family. They looked so happy. For me that was a good thing which happened in my life. In every semester at elementary school I could make my parents proud of me. And in junior high school my study result at 1^st and 2^nd grade still could make my parents smile. I think, what I had done in junior high school was not as good as in senior high school. During my study in senior high school, I more often made my parents smile because of my achievements. And that's the best thing which happened to me in my life. I could get the 1^st rank at school since 1^st grade. And then when I had been selected by my teacher as the representative of my school in attending "Siswa Berprestasi" competition though at that time I didn't get the 1^st rank in the class. My parents were proud of me as the teachers still trusted my ability. But, the result of the competition wasn't satisfied me. I had to accept it for my efforts were not maximal. But, however the results, the most important think for me are my parents' smile and my family's happiness. 

I have a motto along my life. It is "Where there's a will, there's a way". It can motivate me in doing something. How difficult is something to do, but if there's a will, I believe I can do it. And spirit is really needed in this case. Whatever we do, we have to do it from deep of our heart and everything good will come toward us. This motto is not only a word. I have proved it. And don't forget to pray to the God in everything that we will do. So, grow a willing in your heart and that willing will bring you to your destination.